A BRIGHT LIGHT IN A DARK PLACE

Anxiety, Addiction, depression, and other disorders connected to thoughts of suicide are at an all-time high these days. More and more people are "Hanging up," "Cutting up," or engaging in "Destructive Behavior" that fits the definition of "Killing themselves." The hopelessness associated with incarceration only adds fuel to these destructive flames. It's so bad that our phone conversations are preceded with recordings warning us of "Suicide Prevention..." So, even if we're NOT thinking about killing ourselves, we're reminded of it even when we reach out for inspiration, or a friendly conversation. It's like holding your head up high to bask in the rays of the sun, but the vultures circling overhead are obstructing your view ( cause they smell death). With that being said. . .

"There's a light at the end of the tunnel." This is a metaphor used to encourage those who are currently in a "Dark Place." But what about those of us whose visions are blurred, those of us whose visions are obstructed, who have trouble swimming through the waves of darkness in front of us? More importantly, what about those of us who choose to wear "Shades" in the midst of all of our darkness, making it even harder to see even the slightest glimpse of light?

The Declaration of Independence proudly promotes its promise of the "Pursuit of Happiness..." However, due to our lack of understanding of what "Happiness" (truly) is, where to find it, or how to achieve it, we wander looking for love in all the wrong places. We confuse Love with Like, Lust, and Desire, and we go to great lengths to possess, touch, or even feel something that's notably intangible. Before we know it, we're trapped in the darkness of a proverbial Tunnel, unwilling to look for the slightest glimmer of hope (Light) at the end of it.

Fortunately for us, we have the uncanny ability to (both) physically and emotionally adjust to any environment that's willing to inhabit us. Our pupils contract and dilate, and we mentally make similar adjustments that allow us to cope with the inevitable hardships and difficulties around us. Unfortunately, this ability renders us immune to pain and insensitive to the empathy that defines us as humans. We become comfortable. We become complacent. And, as a result, we stop looking for a cure. We stop looking for a way out. We unconsciously assimilate to the disease that has come to define us. We trick ourselves into believing we're immune to the symptoms and side effects of the plague. So, instead of migrating and searching for a more accommodating and welcoming habitation, we settle in. We stake claim and build faulty foundations on barren land. Why do we plant our seeds in a soil where nothing grows, knowing the fruits of our labor will never be harvested?

Our emotions have the ability to "Contract and Dilate" too. But what was designed to help us can wind up hurting us if we misuse it. For example, we Adjust so well to the Darkness that we Adapt to it. We adapt so well that we Accept, and Adopt, the Darkness to the point that we wear "Shades" to keep out the possibility of any Light (i.e., Love, Hope, Encouragement, Enlightenment, etc.) coming in. We get used to it. We conform to it. We acquiesce so much that we forget how it feels to have the sun shine on our faces. We live in a place so riddled with hate, for so long, that we forget how it feels to love...or to be loved.

Many of us find ourselves in a Darkness so thick that it seems impenetrable. We become so preoccupied, so consumed, and so entrenched in surviving in the trenches that we can't imagine living a life outside of this ditch we dug. Anytime anyone tries to lend us a hand or shed some Light on us, we reject it and retreat like a vampire at the break of dawn. We begin to shield ourselves from Light because, like The Truth, sometimes it hurts. So we squint, we grimace, and we look away. Some of us even wear "Dark Shades" to soften the blows of The Light (reality).

"I don't WANT no light!!"

"I don't NEED no light!!"

This becomes the unconscious mantra we repeat when we do the same things over and over, expecting different outcomes. Saying this, and forcing yourself to believe it allows our pupils (and our hearts) to "Adjust" to this Darkness we call home.

Ignorance is Bliss /

Hiding in the Darkness is a sign of This.

I've lived without Light for so long that I no longer have a shadow anymore. I've even trained myself to "Love" the Dark. Why, 'cause like "Happiness" and the "Pursuit of" it, I never truly knew what love was, in the first place. As a result, I stumbled through life hurting people because I was hurting. I thought embracing, camouflaging, and hiding in the Darkness was the only way to survive.

It took a while, but I finally took my "Shades" off and took a peek at reality. I decided to face the world and embraced the same Light that caused a rose to grow from beneath the cracks in the concrete. It was blinding at first, but with time and practice, the blur came into focus, and the obscure became clear.

Today, I stand before you a changed man - A man once devoid of Light, a man once devoid of Love, Encouragement, and Enlightenment. Now not only am I a product of The Light, but I've also learned to generate My Own Light, my own source of motivation and encouragement. I am no longer on a quest searching for something outside of myself to quench my thirst. I no longer look for "The light at the end of the tunnel." I AM THE BRIGHT LIGHT IN A DARK PLACE!!! The Lighthouse and the beacon of hope for myself and others. I reclaimed that flame!!! The same flame that was quietly burning inside me the whole time, that spontaneous combustion that warmed me when I was alone, when there wasn't a pot to piss in, or a Yule Log in my chimney to burn on those silent nights.

So, for all of you currently living in a Tunnel of Darkness searching for love in all the wrong places, do a little soul searching and discover that pilot light that secretly shines deep down inside of you. If it burned out, try reigniting it with the Torch that was passed down from generations before you, who (probably) had it much worse than you. You know, that Fire that kept them alive and made it possible for you to be here in the first place.

Remember, "What lies behind us and before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

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Morale and Mettle,

Edward Summers - (95a0738) "Professional Prisoner"/Rehabilitation Coach/Founder and Creator of The O.U.I. ("We") Positive Motivation Movement